Friday, July 15, 2005

I've been gone for a long time. I hope you will forgive me.
This is just a quick update of your Kings life for the last...Two or so years?!....Damn, far to much brooding.

I and my Lady have had to move twice for security reason, I am in exile after all. But now we have found a Newport to live and prosper. Speaking of prospering I am happy to announce the birth of my son the crown Prince of Canada, William Alexander Hiscock. He is my joy and you will be hearing much about him in the future.

As to work well after a time of hard labor, I have now found a job that I find very rewarding. I am hopping to be here for many years to come, but as always that is up to the investors with money. Being an artist is a wonderful thing, but its also nice to have someone pay you for artistic abilities.

That is all for now I will be back with more updates and appointments soon.

Stay true, north, strong and free.

Saturday, November 02, 2002

Before I brood, I announce the nomination of t! to the position of Minister of Culture.

Take that.

And now -- I brood.

Day 12,4496, and still not King.

An alarming number of my councillors have taken to hiding in dark offices, writing novels.

I feel so alone.

I must brood.

Tuesday, October 15, 2002

From the desk of His Majesty, The King of Canada

Time moves at a different rate in politics than it does in mundane life. A brief rant about the past three weeks:

Last month’s Concordia riot at the Nerenyahu lecture sickened me: both sides screaming at each other in protest simply ensured that no one could hear a thing. Smashing windows and causing civic disturbance does little to help your cause, and in fact suggests that you are unable to participate in international debate as a result of a lack of intelligent preparation. Welcome to Canada where everyone has free speech; in this country, we discuss things as civilised adults.

Speaking of civilised adults… Internal memo to Ralph Klein, already a resident of the Royal Dungeons: if you resort to the childish threat of your province’s separation from the Kingdom of Canada again, I will start discussing the separation of someone’s head from his shoulders. It doesn’t work for Quebec. It will not work for you.

For John Manley: a short stint in our Dungeon for his slighting remarks about our fellow monarch, Queen Elizabeth II. Manley recently argued that it's time to have a Canadian as head of state in lieu of a foreign monarch, and also that

Even if Canada keeps Queen Elizabeth in her ceremonial role, Manley said Friday that Prince Charles should not be allowed to become the country's King.

"Having the oldest son inherit the responsibility of being head of state, that's just not something in the 21st century we ought to be entertaining," Manley said.

"That's why it ought to be a person who is Canadian, who reflects Canadian diversity, and who is chosen by Canadians."
(courtesy CBC news)

Mr Manley, although your remarks about Her Majesty were ill-timed and have ensured that you have lost whatever future support you might have enjoyed from the British monarchists in this country, we appreciate your implicit support of our future recognition as the rightful monarch of Canada. Your head is safe, but you still need a lesson in manners.

I wish to personally salute all the Canadians who made this leg of the Queen’s Golden Jubilee tour a crowning success. You have shown her a respect and honour that she truly deserves. She has been a devoted friend and ally to our country and its people, and I for one wish to honour her and wish her long life and happiness.

On this Thanksgiving weekend, as King of Canada, I wish to extend my own personal thanks to my loyal supporters, known and unknown, titled and those yet to have titles bestowed upon them. In this time of chaos, I also wish to recognise those Canadians who fight for justice and human rights, those who engage the moral enemy on our own soil and those who leave our country to defend these principles in other lands. As Canadians, we are the diplomats and peace-makers of the world, as well as competent though reluctant warriors, should the need arise.

Although he is not Canadian, I would in particular like to extend a royal congratulation to Jimmy Carter who has been honoured with the Nobel Peace Prize for his personal efforts in peace-making. If more statesmen thought and acted as Carter has and does, the world would be a better place.

In closing, I would like to announce two new appointments to our council: Ceri Young as The Lady of the Eastern Shore, and Alexander Stewart as the head of the Department of Agriculture. (He has some terrific ideas about chickens, tractors, and the fermentation of various grains.)

Be proud to be Canadian, and be good to your neighbours (even if they are American).

Sunday, September 08, 2002

From the desk of His Majesty, The King of Canada

Greetings, citizens!

I have set in place a system by which deserving individuals may be recognised; the system has been dubbed Dukedoms & Dungeons.

This week:

A reprieve for Prime Minister JEAN CHRÉTIEN, who was about to get tossed into the Dungeon, for finally bringing the ratification of Kyoto before Parliament. It's about time, Johnny. However...

Premier of Alberta RALPH KLEIN gets an official notice of impending Dungeondom for his short-sighted whining about economic woes and hardships for his province. Perhaps a more constructive, positive effort to develop the technologies necessary for meeting Kyoto goals might off-set those economic woes that worry him, and win him a Dukedom instead of a month or two in a deliberately unpleasant Dungeon.

A confirmed stay in the Dungeon for STEPHEN HARPER, leader of the Canadian Alliance (or Reform, or whatever they’re calling themselves these days), for his comments about how it is an interesting scientific theory that carbon dioxide and greenhouse gases have any effect on the global weather system. Might we state that we are glad you are in politics, Mr Harper, and not in science. I will do my best to send you some reading material to educate your mind during your stay in our deluxe 9’x12’ Dungeon cell. To the Dungeon with him!

I have not observed any Dukedom-worthy acts in government this week. If anyone out there has witnessed such an act they believe should be noted, please send it to our attention and we will address it.

I would like to call on the Canadian government to be a leader in the international effort to meet the Kyoto standards, and to be in the forefront of policy-developing, and the research and development of the technologies required in order to reduce atmosphere-damaging emissions. Our country has a long and proud tradition of such research and development, and the application of such effort will ensure that everyone has a planet to be on in a few centuries. The local and international communities must cease their short-term thinking and obsession with the slow-down of the oil industry, and instead focus on the reality that if we use everything up, we’ll have nowhere else to go anyway. This is it: this is the only planet we have. Why destroy it, and damage our own futures?

Speaking of the United States, I would like to ask that the other governments and monarchies of the world to join with me and develop a fund to design and build an air-tight dome over the country that produces approximately 36% of the world’s greenhouse gases, and who refuses to ratify the Kyoto agreement. (Let’s send them Ralph Klein and Stephen Harper, too, while we’re at it. Make it a package gift.) I, for one, am tired of breathing the United States’ second-hand smoke.

For a nice and simple explanation of what the brou-ha-ha is about Kyoto and countries ratifying it, go to this page. For a Kyoto Protocol Thermometer illustrating the current status of how many countries have signed and/or ratified the Protocol, and the percentage of emissions they cover, go here. (I would like to take this opportunity to point out that while the USA’s emissions constitute 36.1% of the world’s totals, Canada constitutes only 3.3% of them. Go us!)

In closing, I would like to salute that majority of Canadians who support our country’s ratification of the Kyoto Protocol; you have shown a responsible and clear-minded awareness of consequence and repercussion. May Canada always be such an inspiration to the international community in affairs of ecology and global responsibility.

Saturday, August 31, 2002

Press conference called by The King of Canada
Setting: Beaver Lake, Mont-Royal, Montreal

(Partial transcript)

Journalist 1: Your Majesty – can you tell us why you have decided at this particular time to reveal your destiny and establish a web site devoted to your movement to restore the monarchy in Canada?

King of Canada: Recent events have shown that the desperate need for leadership in the Canadian government. Too much in-fighting, one-upmanship, lack of direction – there isn’t a single party out there working for the people. Instead, they are all working for themselves, their own advancement, their own interests. I believe the time has come to return the citizens to the top of the agenda. I have had enough of the government’s failure to put the citizens first at all times, and so I am determined to get this system of government back on track. I propose acting as this country’s conscience.

Journalist 2: How do you propose to do that, Your Majesty?

King of Canada: With the help and co-operation of the media, of course. (General hilarity.) Representatives of the media, I truly feel that your role in the government of this country has not previously been recognised. The media is a key figure that makes or breaks a leader; I am fully aware of this. However, I put forth that over the years, the function of the media as an independent, critical entity has eroded until all that remains is the biased opinions of corporate oligarchies. I call on you, ladies and gentlemen of the press and the airwaves, to rise above your mud-slinging and join me in my cause! No longer will you be tabloid-tailors, chasing the bandwagon simply because it is easy, and scandal sells! Seek the truth in all its forms; let the people know the entire story, all facets, the dark hidden gold as well as the gaudy glitter that superficial appearances offer. Challenge the government to prove or disprove their positions, rather than sniping about poor leadership and he-said she-said.

Journalist 1: Um, Your Majesty, that’s technically what we do.

King of Canada: And you fail! You fail because you are limiting yourselves to the mechanics of government! Members of the media, yours should be the pursuit of Truth as an ideal, unbiased, non-partisan, and a shining inspiration to us all.

Journalist 3: Truth, hunh? That’s not going to make me popular with my editor.

King of Canada: Do you want to be a journalist, or win a popularity contest? Deep in your heart, when you stepped, wide-eyed and eager, into your first journalism class, what was uppermost in your mind? What were your secret thoughts, your innermost desires?

Journalist 2: Well, I – I wanted to – make a difference.

King of Canada: I want you to get that feeling back! Wake up each morning with a bound out of bed and a spring in your step, determined to seek Truth where she sleeps, covered by stone, dead maple leaves, and the rich loam of this magnificent country!

Journalist 3: This guy’s a kook, but I like him.

Journalist 1: A leader who wants the media to unleash its full potential, rather than controlling it?

Journalist 2: (scribbling in her steno book) Agincourt – do we have an Agincourt here in Canada?

Journalist 1: Yeah, but I prefer the whole bucolic Beaver Lake setting for the launch of this guy’s reign. Do we have a photographer here?

Journalist 3: Heck, I’ve got a TV crew. This, this is news!

Journalist 2: Your Majesty – do you wish to make an official statement directed at the Prime Minister and his House of Commons?

King of Canada: Mr Prime Minister; so-called representatives in the House of Commons; citizens of the Kingdom of Canada: I recognise that I am a monarch in exile. As such, my powers are limited to criticism and the occasional raid against the buckling bulwarks of our ponderous system of government. In the absence of absolute power, I can best serve my people by watching you very closely, acting as the Conscience of Canada. My mission is simple, and calls for the faith and support of every man, woman and child in the Dominion: stand up for Truth, fight for Justice, and be proud of the fact that you are Canadian!

[Here the King leaves the platform, escorted by his advisors and support staff. TV crews jostle with journalists, reporters and recording equipment; someone passes a huge Canadian flag over their heads to the King, who braces his feet and holds it aloft, waving it steadily back and forth. The crowd, delirious with patriotic fervour and the inspiring idealism of the King’s speech, spontaneously breaks into the national anthem, sung harmoniously in both languages. The King’s advisors manage to remove him with difficulty to a small unmarked blue station wagon, and he is gone.]

Day 12,4433 and still not King. I must brood.

Friday, August 30, 2002

Ronald Graham Hiscock: Rightful King of Canada since 1968.